What can get in the way of finding a compatible partner?
- Medical Author: Pallavi Suyog Uttekar, MD
- Medical Reviewer: Shaziya Allarakha, MD
How many times have we dreamed of running off into the sunset, hand in hand with someone special? Regardless of our gender, our careers, or other pursuits, most of us long to end up with “the one” at the end of the day.
With social media and dating apps, our social circles have broadened and made searching for the perfect match both easier and more difficult by leveling the playing field. But what exactly is a perfect match?
When it comes to finding a perfect match, compatibility is key. You want to find someone you can talk to openly, have fun with, and share your interests and activities with. People who are compatible with each other understand equality and respect, and don’t have to spend every waking moment together to feel secure or comfortable in the relationship.
Love comes in all forms, and romantic love is often characterized by intensity, engagement, and sexual interest. But while romantic infatuation can cause a rush of feel-good chemicals in your brain, it may not last a lifetime.
Another issue is that we tend to choose our partners based on our attachment patterns, which are influenced by our childhoods and continue to subconsciously influence our choices in partners.
For example, people who grew up in an abusive or not-so-happy household may get trapped in a toxic pattern of relationships. It’s therefore important to seek counseling and rid ourselves of emotional baggage before we get serious about searching for a partner.
What are common compatibility factors?
Studies have shown that a woman’s satisfaction in a relationship depends on emotional aspects, whereas for men, physical aspects of sexual intimacy are more important.
Often, similarity in attitudes, personality traits, behaviors, and beliefs can strengthen the duration of a marriage or relationship. Other important factors for relationship stability include age, education, employment, and culture.
How do you know when you have found a perfect match?
There is no easy or one-size-fits-all answer to this, since we all have varying levels of compatibility with different people, and relationships require hard work. Some may hit the jackpot early in life, whereas others may struggle for years before they find someone they want to settle down with.
Based on various studies conducted on several couples, here are the signs that you may have found a perfect match. You:
- Both can freely express physical and emotional affection.
- Trust each other and often have an ongoing, honest exchange of personal feelings.
- Have a mutual desire to please and satisfy one another.
- Have healthy boundaries and an appropriate level of sharing of possessions.
- Support each other’s ambitions, goals, and beliefs, even if you don’t necessarily share the same ones.
- Encourage each other to enjoy personal interests and have a life apart from each other.
- Share positive emotions such as trust, openness, honesty, and agreeability.
- Are both open to criticism and ready to work on a relationship.
What to keep in mind when searching for a perfect match
Achieving relationship compatibility or searching for a perfect partner may mean going outside your comfort zone. When you place unnecessary restrictions on your choices (a particular age, job profile, or income level) searching for “the one” becomes almost impossible.
It’s also important to remember that issues are bound to arise in any relationship because no one is perfect, including you. And while you may not be perfect, don’t think of finding a perfect match as someone who necessarily completes you. Instead, your perfect match should be someone who can challenge you and help you evolve.